What I Wanted To Say

Today is the fourth day since I learned you were gone. I've spent my days covered in grief, covered by sorrow, covered by a fragile fleeting facade. I go through the every day motions, trying my best to get through it all. Because even though I never got to know you, I know you would want there to be happiness in this house again.
So on this day, I looked past the fog in my head and out at the day shining in through the back door. Even though I knew there was a chill in the air, the sun shone so brightly and it suddenly made the world so madly and impossibly beautiful. Yes, the thought perhaps is silly, but my bones told me that this day was for you. The innumerable wild green tones, the placid sound of the frigid breeze through the trees, the aching sunshine hitting the blades of grass that I longed to see you run through. Something in this day made me find this necessary. I dreamt of holding you forever in my arms. Wrapped up in that beautiful sunshine that I will never be able to capture. Just like I will never be able to capture you. Because just like that beautiful sunshine, you too have now set into the horizon. Night comes too soon, and the starry universe twinkles it all away. Leaving only the memory of that perfect beauty you'll never quite encounter again.
I wish I could tell you all the things I wanted you to know in this world. But I know I will never be able to recall it all and really none of it matters much in whatever realm that your spirit may lie. What truly pains me is that I will never get to show you all the things I wanted you to see and experience. Like some days, by chance, if you wake up early and there's a glint of joy in your heart, you can see a magnificent glowing sunrise that truly makes life worth going on for. Just on the off chance that you might catch something like it again. Like the feeling of immense joy and immense pain that a tiny child can well up inside you. It is in moments like these that you truly know you are alive.
I am sorry that you will never see and feel those things. And the millions of other things that would have molded you into the beautiful person that I know you would have been. You will always be my child and I will always hold you in my heart.
I don't know how the universe works, but maybe someday I will see you again and I will be given another chance to know the tiny spirit who has already changed my life so much. I love you my baby.

Love,
Mommy

Summertime, and the living is easy...mostly.

Well, we are now well past spring and right in the middle of summer. As I expected, this summer has been a very welcome bright spot in our big transition to Ohio. The winter was a bit rough what with Gabriel's eczema issues and the fact that everyone in the world (including me) seems to go into hibernation mode, shutting their families up inside to protect them from the cold. So, needless to say, I was very much looking forward to the weather warming up and getting the kids into different social activities. Elise has enjoyed interacting and playing with other children her age. She has a friend named Defne who she loves. She lives in our neighborhood so they get to see eachother pretty often. I also got her involved with some classes at our local Y. So far she has taken a swimming course and a soccer one as well. Lately she has been begging me to sign her up for swimming again so I think we will give it another go before summer ends. For now she is loving spending time with mommy and daddy outside, especially when it involves the slip n slide.



Now that Gabriel is getting bigger the kids are able to play together more and more. Gabriel is so close to walking, he really wants to be able to run around with his big sister. Of course, there is always jealousy issues, but they both love eachother very much and let eachother know it often, it's really cute. Whenever Gabe is in trouble, Elise is the first one he calls out for. Elise can often be found hugging her "little buddy".



Gabriel turned 1 just yesterday. We let him dig into some cupcakes, he really loved it. I can't believe that a year has passed already since he was born. Time really does fly.






Cutie pie at the zoo


Hiking on Elise's birthday weekend.


Swimming class


Creating a masterpiece together


Elise's third birthday cake

Ready for spring!

It is March 2010 and our first winter in Sylvania is drawing to a close. It has passed by remarkably fast, and the weather was relatively mild. We had a few good snow falls and there is still a couple of inches of snow on the ground but it is melting rapidly and the grass beneath is already green (something strange to eyes that have grown accustomed to witnessing winter's end in Oklahoma territory).

Elise enjoyed the winter though she spent much of it locked inside the warm house. We did take a few occasions for winter walks about our neighborhood with Elise and Gabriel. Daddy and Elise went sledding and Elise got to build a snowman with Mommy. Gabriel is just learning to crawl and is "walking" with the help of his walker. Elise likes to stand on the walker and Gabriel pulls her around like a little ox; they both laugh and he loves it all. Gabriel and Elise are developing a rapport that is beautiful to watch.

Our winter in Sylvania was punctuated by a Christmas visit back to Oklahoma City where Gabriel was baptized. This period was especially memorable because OKC suffered from a Christmas blizzard of epic proportions and Daddy only barely managed to make it into OKC on Christmas morning, in time to open presents with the kids. Definitely Christmas 2009 will become a family legend and subject of many stories told around the dinner table in winters to come.

But now, winter is drawing to a close and we are looking forward to springtime and summer; to planting seeds and growing flowers and veggies. Elise already has a cherished package of watermellon seeds she can't wait to plant. Hopefully we will spend many long summer evenings in our back yard and Daddy can relax on the patio while watching the kids play.

The whirlwind

Taking a break from the madness to update a bit. Actually, it's not that bad. We have actually been settling in quite quickly into our new home. When the movers arrived and dropped off our things , Kenny and I quickly attacked the enormous pile of boxes and determinedly set forth in our mad unpacking process. Now, with most everything in its place, we are trying our best to settle into the community.
Kenny seems to enjoy his workplace and the new relationships he's formed with his colleagues. Elise loves to run and jump around our yard and the entire neighborhood. She looks forward to the daily visits from the family of deer in the woods in the backyard. Gabriel continues to grow, he is such a wonderfully calm and sweet baby. Of course, we miss our family and friends that we left behind. I am particularly looking forward to our visit back for the holidays. Apart from becoming acquainted with a few neighbors, I have not yet formed any bonds with people nearby. Having two little ones will certainly keep you busy! But I am determined to work on that and try to accept this as our new home.
Our new house and neighborhood is beautiful. The fall colors of the trees here are astounding.
We continue to work towards a complete transition.
We love and miss you!
On to the pictures!

Our new family of four

We are happy to announce that our new baby, Gabriel Owen Hensley, was born on July 30th at 8:35PM. Gabriel is such a good baby. He is still just a super sleepy newborn, but he is not fussy at all for a little baby. He only cries when he's hungry, and he has a good healthy appetite. We are very much enjoying our new lives as a family of four and look forward to more experiences together as our children grow. Elise loves her baby brother very much and is always ready to give him kisses or bring mommy a fresh diaper when he gets stinky. We have been staying at my mom's house the past couple of days and she has been a God send in helping us to adjust and get into a new everyday rhythm. Here are some pictures of our newest tiny treasure.

The time has come!

Just a quick update straight from my hospital bed! Kenny and I are sitting in my room waiting for this little one to be born. I am currently stuck at 8 centimeters. It has been a very long day. My contractions started at 8pm last night and continued to get stronger through the night. At 9am this morning we dropped Elise off at my mom's house and came to the hospital. After an agonizingly long wait for the anesthesiologist, I finally got my epidural at about 3:00. So now it is just a waiting game. I am not in any pain (thank goodness!), but Gabriel seems to be having issues with his heartrate dipping every time I have a contraction. Here's hoping that the rest of this delivery is speedy. Come on little guy!

When you just wish you could go back to sleep...

that's when you know it's getting close.
We are just about wrapping up the last couple weeks of this pregnancy and now it's getting really scary. The thought of having two kiddos to care for 24/7 scares me beyond everything I know. I know that I will be fine, and we will pull through any of the upcoming challenges (moving, unpacking, getting adjusted in a new city, caring for two small children, etc., etc.) but I also know that it won't be easy by any means. I flash back to the days when Elise was just born and we brought her home. I struggled just like any new mom to settle into my new role as full-time caregiver to this tiny helpless being. It was challenge, to say the least, as any mother will tell you. I hope that my experiences from that time and the past two years help me in the challenges I am about to face.
So now I am up at 5:00 AM because I can't get back to sleep. I remember doing this when I was about to have Elise. Why does the end of pregnancy rob people of sleep? Just when you should be resting up the most, preparing yourself for seemingly endless nights of exhaustion, you are up. I have my little checklist in my head of all the little things I need to do before this little one arrives. It's not much, really, just a few things, a frighteningly small checklist. I think that all there is really left to do is set up the new cradle for him to sleep in and put together the new stroller my sister sent (yay! thanks vero, you're the best!).
The night before last we went to the hospital at 11:00PM because I thought I was possibly in labor. I called my doctor who told me to go ahead and come in so they could check and at least make sure the baby was okay. It turned out to be a false alarm, which was a little disappointing, but we continue to eagerly await his arrival. I am excited to meet this little boy. It is going to be strange, I am so used to being the mother of a little girl. This new baby is going to be a whole new experience.
Elise has been so wonderful. I think she is really starting to grasp the concept of having a little brother and having a little baby around the house. The other day she woke up from her nap and came to me in her groggy half-awake state and rubbed my belly lovingly, she said "don't worry mommy, I help you". She is such an awesome little girl. Later that day she touched my belly and said "oh no, baby brodder stuck!". She was very concerned for her baby brother who continues to be somehow stuck inside of mommy's belly. She cracks me up.
On to the latest pictures!


Kenny and Elise picking blackberries at Sunberry Orchard


Elise wearing her new jammies which she had to put on right away and refused to take off. This was actually the middle of the day, at the babyshower my mom threw for me. (thanks, mom!)


Elise and I, checking out the loot we got at the babyshower.


The cake.


Me being rediculously large, two weeks before my due date.