What I Wanted To Say

Today is the fourth day since I learned you were gone. I've spent my days covered in grief, covered by sorrow, covered by a fragile fleeting facade. I go through the every day motions, trying my best to get through it all. Because even though I never got to know you, I know you would want there to be happiness in this house again.
So on this day, I looked past the fog in my head and out at the day shining in through the back door. Even though I knew there was a chill in the air, the sun shone so brightly and it suddenly made the world so madly and impossibly beautiful. Yes, the thought perhaps is silly, but my bones told me that this day was for you. The innumerable wild green tones, the placid sound of the frigid breeze through the trees, the aching sunshine hitting the blades of grass that I longed to see you run through. Something in this day made me find this necessary. I dreamt of holding you forever in my arms. Wrapped up in that beautiful sunshine that I will never be able to capture. Just like I will never be able to capture you. Because just like that beautiful sunshine, you too have now set into the horizon. Night comes too soon, and the starry universe twinkles it all away. Leaving only the memory of that perfect beauty you'll never quite encounter again.
I wish I could tell you all the things I wanted you to know in this world. But I know I will never be able to recall it all and really none of it matters much in whatever realm that your spirit may lie. What truly pains me is that I will never get to show you all the things I wanted you to see and experience. Like some days, by chance, if you wake up early and there's a glint of joy in your heart, you can see a magnificent glowing sunrise that truly makes life worth going on for. Just on the off chance that you might catch something like it again. Like the feeling of immense joy and immense pain that a tiny child can well up inside you. It is in moments like these that you truly know you are alive.
I am sorry that you will never see and feel those things. And the millions of other things that would have molded you into the beautiful person that I know you would have been. You will always be my child and I will always hold you in my heart.
I don't know how the universe works, but maybe someday I will see you again and I will be given another chance to know the tiny spirit who has already changed my life so much. I love you my baby.

Love,
Mommy

Summertime, and the living is easy...mostly.

Well, we are now well past spring and right in the middle of summer. As I expected, this summer has been a very welcome bright spot in our big transition to Ohio. The winter was a bit rough what with Gabriel's eczema issues and the fact that everyone in the world (including me) seems to go into hibernation mode, shutting their families up inside to protect them from the cold. So, needless to say, I was very much looking forward to the weather warming up and getting the kids into different social activities. Elise has enjoyed interacting and playing with other children her age. She has a friend named Defne who she loves. She lives in our neighborhood so they get to see eachother pretty often. I also got her involved with some classes at our local Y. So far she has taken a swimming course and a soccer one as well. Lately she has been begging me to sign her up for swimming again so I think we will give it another go before summer ends. For now she is loving spending time with mommy and daddy outside, especially when it involves the slip n slide.



Now that Gabriel is getting bigger the kids are able to play together more and more. Gabriel is so close to walking, he really wants to be able to run around with his big sister. Of course, there is always jealousy issues, but they both love eachother very much and let eachother know it often, it's really cute. Whenever Gabe is in trouble, Elise is the first one he calls out for. Elise can often be found hugging her "little buddy".



Gabriel turned 1 just yesterday. We let him dig into some cupcakes, he really loved it. I can't believe that a year has passed already since he was born. Time really does fly.






Cutie pie at the zoo


Hiking on Elise's birthday weekend.


Swimming class


Creating a masterpiece together


Elise's third birthday cake

Ready for spring!

It is March 2010 and our first winter in Sylvania is drawing to a close. It has passed by remarkably fast, and the weather was relatively mild. We had a few good snow falls and there is still a couple of inches of snow on the ground but it is melting rapidly and the grass beneath is already green (something strange to eyes that have grown accustomed to witnessing winter's end in Oklahoma territory).

Elise enjoyed the winter though she spent much of it locked inside the warm house. We did take a few occasions for winter walks about our neighborhood with Elise and Gabriel. Daddy and Elise went sledding and Elise got to build a snowman with Mommy. Gabriel is just learning to crawl and is "walking" with the help of his walker. Elise likes to stand on the walker and Gabriel pulls her around like a little ox; they both laugh and he loves it all. Gabriel and Elise are developing a rapport that is beautiful to watch.

Our winter in Sylvania was punctuated by a Christmas visit back to Oklahoma City where Gabriel was baptized. This period was especially memorable because OKC suffered from a Christmas blizzard of epic proportions and Daddy only barely managed to make it into OKC on Christmas morning, in time to open presents with the kids. Definitely Christmas 2009 will become a family legend and subject of many stories told around the dinner table in winters to come.

But now, winter is drawing to a close and we are looking forward to springtime and summer; to planting seeds and growing flowers and veggies. Elise already has a cherished package of watermellon seeds she can't wait to plant. Hopefully we will spend many long summer evenings in our back yard and Daddy can relax on the patio while watching the kids play.

The whirlwind

Taking a break from the madness to update a bit. Actually, it's not that bad. We have actually been settling in quite quickly into our new home. When the movers arrived and dropped off our things , Kenny and I quickly attacked the enormous pile of boxes and determinedly set forth in our mad unpacking process. Now, with most everything in its place, we are trying our best to settle into the community.
Kenny seems to enjoy his workplace and the new relationships he's formed with his colleagues. Elise loves to run and jump around our yard and the entire neighborhood. She looks forward to the daily visits from the family of deer in the woods in the backyard. Gabriel continues to grow, he is such a wonderfully calm and sweet baby. Of course, we miss our family and friends that we left behind. I am particularly looking forward to our visit back for the holidays. Apart from becoming acquainted with a few neighbors, I have not yet formed any bonds with people nearby. Having two little ones will certainly keep you busy! But I am determined to work on that and try to accept this as our new home.
Our new house and neighborhood is beautiful. The fall colors of the trees here are astounding.
We continue to work towards a complete transition.
We love and miss you!
On to the pictures!

Our new family of four

We are happy to announce that our new baby, Gabriel Owen Hensley, was born on July 30th at 8:35PM. Gabriel is such a good baby. He is still just a super sleepy newborn, but he is not fussy at all for a little baby. He only cries when he's hungry, and he has a good healthy appetite. We are very much enjoying our new lives as a family of four and look forward to more experiences together as our children grow. Elise loves her baby brother very much and is always ready to give him kisses or bring mommy a fresh diaper when he gets stinky. We have been staying at my mom's house the past couple of days and she has been a God send in helping us to adjust and get into a new everyday rhythm. Here are some pictures of our newest tiny treasure.

The time has come!

Just a quick update straight from my hospital bed! Kenny and I are sitting in my room waiting for this little one to be born. I am currently stuck at 8 centimeters. It has been a very long day. My contractions started at 8pm last night and continued to get stronger through the night. At 9am this morning we dropped Elise off at my mom's house and came to the hospital. After an agonizingly long wait for the anesthesiologist, I finally got my epidural at about 3:00. So now it is just a waiting game. I am not in any pain (thank goodness!), but Gabriel seems to be having issues with his heartrate dipping every time I have a contraction. Here's hoping that the rest of this delivery is speedy. Come on little guy!

When you just wish you could go back to sleep...

that's when you know it's getting close.
We are just about wrapping up the last couple weeks of this pregnancy and now it's getting really scary. The thought of having two kiddos to care for 24/7 scares me beyond everything I know. I know that I will be fine, and we will pull through any of the upcoming challenges (moving, unpacking, getting adjusted in a new city, caring for two small children, etc., etc.) but I also know that it won't be easy by any means. I flash back to the days when Elise was just born and we brought her home. I struggled just like any new mom to settle into my new role as full-time caregiver to this tiny helpless being. It was challenge, to say the least, as any mother will tell you. I hope that my experiences from that time and the past two years help me in the challenges I am about to face.
So now I am up at 5:00 AM because I can't get back to sleep. I remember doing this when I was about to have Elise. Why does the end of pregnancy rob people of sleep? Just when you should be resting up the most, preparing yourself for seemingly endless nights of exhaustion, you are up. I have my little checklist in my head of all the little things I need to do before this little one arrives. It's not much, really, just a few things, a frighteningly small checklist. I think that all there is really left to do is set up the new cradle for him to sleep in and put together the new stroller my sister sent (yay! thanks vero, you're the best!).
The night before last we went to the hospital at 11:00PM because I thought I was possibly in labor. I called my doctor who told me to go ahead and come in so they could check and at least make sure the baby was okay. It turned out to be a false alarm, which was a little disappointing, but we continue to eagerly await his arrival. I am excited to meet this little boy. It is going to be strange, I am so used to being the mother of a little girl. This new baby is going to be a whole new experience.
Elise has been so wonderful. I think she is really starting to grasp the concept of having a little brother and having a little baby around the house. The other day she woke up from her nap and came to me in her groggy half-awake state and rubbed my belly lovingly, she said "don't worry mommy, I help you". She is such an awesome little girl. Later that day she touched my belly and said "oh no, baby brodder stuck!". She was very concerned for her baby brother who continues to be somehow stuck inside of mommy's belly. She cracks me up.
On to the latest pictures!


Kenny and Elise picking blackberries at Sunberry Orchard


Elise wearing her new jammies which she had to put on right away and refused to take off. This was actually the middle of the day, at the babyshower my mom threw for me. (thanks, mom!)


Elise and I, checking out the loot we got at the babyshower.


The cake.


Me being rediculously large, two weeks before my due date.

The times they are a changin'- Summer 2009

This is Kenny finally writing a post on our blog. The summer of 2009 is certainly full of adventure for our family. March of this year we found out that I was losing my job as part of the general economic freak show in which our entire nation is embroiled, and especially as part of specific misfortunes happening at my foundation. Not to worry, we're all about turning negatives into positives and so we have done this time. After some months of hectic traveling and interviewing, I have taken a new position at the University of Toledo Depts. of Pathology and Neuroscience, effective this October. So we sold our house (lucky us, in only 2 weeks, at full asking price!) and rented what we call our "summer home", a lovely house in nearby Nichol's Hills. Here Norma can finish her pregnancy in peace and relative tranquility.

Speaking of pregnancy - we are all thrilled at our imminent new addition. We are going to name him Gabriel Owen Hensley. Elise clearly understands what is going to happen, in general terms. She totters around the house pointing to things we bought for the new baby and saying "diapers for baby brodder?" "bed for baby brodder"? Elise is a gem. She was a bit nervous about moving, initially, but quickly adapted. Everything new for her is an opportunity for discovery and play.

Attached are some recent pictures of our family, the first of Elise helping pack up the house, playing at our "summer home" and Elise's recent excursion on her 2nd birthday to Martin Nature Park. She loves the water so much!

Baby #2

I kinda feel bad about the title for this blog entry. Poor baby still has no name. I thought it would be appropriate to announce on here that we found out on Friday the gender of our incoming addition. We are very excited to announce that we will be having a baby BOY! He is due to be born on August 6th. The ultrasound was very cool. He was lounging in there with one hand behind his head and he was sucking his thumb on the other hand. Just like a boy! We are elated to add a little boy to our growing family.



I also wanted to put a new picture of Elise on here. Here she is being a cranky ballerina. My sister used her awesome photoshopping skills and colored it in, very neat. It is hard to believe how big she is getting. She will be turning 2 on May 31st!

Happy Happy Holidays

It seems the holidays are finally over. Oh my, what a stressful time they can be. Between trying to control an over-active one year old, trying to find just the perfect gift for everyone and doing your best to get everything in order and on time, holidays will wipe you out! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the holidays, but they sure do make me tired. I guess I just really want to make it special for Elise so, of course, I end up over working myself over it.
This year Kenny and I decided not to give eachother presents, and boy was that a stress relief. Instead, we opted to buy presents for a needy child together. That worked out really well.
Elise had a blast, of course. She was so excited to open all the gifts she got. This year she really got into tearing them open, which was so great. That girl is constantly making me laugh and smile, the holidays only make it extra special.
We started off this year on a good foot, hopefully. We recently found out that we are expecting a second little one, so we are VERY excited. I also haven't been nearly as sick or run down with this pregnancy as much as I was with Elise. It's been so great, sometimes I even forget that I'm pregnant! Haha! Now that's good.
I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday season and that this new year brings lots of joy, happiness, and peace.

On to the pictures!


Being a princess, she made me put this dress on her, notice her Dora jammies poking out underneath.


Elise in her Christmas dress, one of the few pictures she stayed still long enough for.


This picture almost made it to the Christmas card, if Elise didn't look like a hostage.


Elise and Mia, starting work on the pile o' presents


Matching Christmas jammies!


I love Christmas! HAHAHA!!!!


Taking a much needed break, and trying out her new princess lounger.


Me and Elise with our Christmas tree, notice the ornaments have migrated to the top, out of reach for little hands.

Second Halloween, woohoo!

Happy belated Halloween to everyone!
I hope you all had as much fun as we did.
This year did not disappoint, as I hoped it wouldn't. We had so much fun fussing about and getting ready for the event. Elise had a blast going trick-or-treating with her cousin Mia, who is about 6 months younger than she is. We were so excited to have Elise actually participate in the holiday. Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays so I was especially excited. Kenny and I took Elise out to a pumpkin patch last weekend where she got to pick out her very own pumpkin, pet some animals and ride a real pony.
Elise loved getting dressed up and showing off to everyone she saw, it was very funny.
I actually got her a costume about a month before Halloween. I was really excited when I saw an adorable little bunny costume and got it for her right away. I had originally wanted her to be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, but I remembered that it is always so cold on Halloween and the bunny was just so cute, so I decided to go ahead and get her the bunny one.
Well, come Halloween and it is so hot outside, I realized at 5:30PM that the bunny costume was just not going to work. So I left Kenny in charge of Elise and dashed out to the store. They only had two costumes in Elise's size left. Lo and behold, Dorothy was one of them. The other was a wierd Sleeping Beauty ballerina outfit, so, naturally, I went for Dorothy. I went around the store and was able to pull together her costume and have her dressed and ready to trick-or-treat in thirty minutes, it was awesome.
So, yes, we had a really great Halloween holiday. Despite some tragedy and heartache this month (you can ask me about this, if you don't already know the story) we managed to get to spend alot of really wonderful family time together. We are so happy, and so lucky!
Of course, here are some pics of the fun things we did this month:


Kenny and Elise, Elise showing us the reject costume and her grumpy face. It was still cute!



Down time at the zoo, riding the baby rhino.



Riding a pony at the pumpkin patch



Elise, being gentle with the bunny at the pumpkin patch.



Somebody get me a bottle to put this stuff in, I'm taking it to go!



Me and Elise in the hayride, Elise showing us that yes, there is actual hay in the hayride.



Looking for the perfect pumpkin.



I think we found a winner.



Kenny and Elise, on our hiking excursion at Lake Arcadia, preeetty.



Dorothy and Toto, ready to go.



Got what we came for.